Stories in my Head

I’m a big fan of gratitude.  You know the kind of thing.  You look around you and find a reason to be grateful for what shows up.  Not always easy but always do-able.  Today I feel very grateful to my sister.

Take last night.  I was feeling unhappy as I thought about the dysfunctional elements of my family.  I have two brothers and one sister now.  No mum, no dad and no beloved elder sister – do you ever get over missing those who’ve gone?

I was thinking about how I envied those families that do lots of things together and stay in touch.  Don’t misunderstand me, I have my own little family unit and we have lots of wonderful times.

I want more.  It’s the bigger family involvement that I crave.  Not the odd phone call, wedding (not so many of those these days either), or the more likely funerals.

Last night I was thinking about my younger sister who has virtually cut us all out of her life.  It’s her choice but it still hurts.  I don’t understand what changed.

So there I was, thinking about what has to happen to get back to how it used to be, when it hit me.  The only reason I felt hurt was because that’s what I was choosing to feel.

As much as I love my sister she can’t actually hurt me in any way or form.  Only my own thoughts and feelings can do that.

I was thinking about being hurt which led to feelings of being second best in her life, unworthy of her love – you name it, I was feeling it.  Seems like I was feeling mighty sorry for myself and yes I was!

But I was lucky.  For no apparent reason I suddenly sat upright, and the realisation came to me, that it was me, all by myself, who was doing the hurting.

My sister, bless her, can only be, do and act however it feels best for her at any given time.  The same is true for each and everyone of us.

No it was the stories in my head, that I was feeding myself, that was doing the damage.

I was reminded of the Magician who spread a pack of cards on a table,  He then asked two people nearby to ‘pick a card’.  Next he shuffled the cards, and with a flourish, produced the two cards that the people had chosen.

Unbeknown to the Magician one of those people was a master of card tricks.  He knew how the trick was done – it was all an illusion for him. He’d wanted to see if the Magician performed the trick as he would have done.

The other had no knowledge of how the Magician was able to ‘find’ his card and was amazed at what had happened with ‘how did you do that?’ coming from his lips.

Same trick – different reactions.  We all process events by what we see, and/or what we know, filtered through our thoughts.

I may not like what’s happened to the disappearance of closeness that my family once shared, but I can respect the choices that others are free to make.  Thanks to my sister I learned an important lesson.

I AM THE ONLY, REPEAT ONLY ONE WHO CAN HURT OR CAUSE ME UNHAPPINESS.

Once you realise the truth that everything in your world is created by the thoughts that come freely to mind, you know without doubt that you can change the stories in your head.  Wow something else to be grateful for.

photo credit: DG Jones via photo pin cc

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